Harry Potter and the extra-marital affair

Two nights ago I had a short but memorable dream where I was Harry Potter. I am assuming we were in Hogwarts, because it was castle-esque, but definitely did not look like Hogwarts. Voldemort had broken into the school along with his cohorts and they were killing children left and right. Me (a.k.a. Harry) Hermione and Ron were hiding in a basement area with other children (it must have been in the room of requirement because Voldemort couldn’t find us). There was a spot in the wall that I could lean out of in order to see what was going on in the hallway without being seen. We were also trying to get to Professor Umbridge’s office for some reason. I can only guess that we were trying to use her fire for outside communication. This isn’t the first Harry Potter dream I’ve had. They’ve ranged from me being Harry, Dumbledore and Voldemort as well as one of me playing Quidditch.

Last night had a weird dream that  actually didn’t involve any famous people at all, which is a rare occurence. I was dreaming that I was getting ready for church. I must have been at a very busy hotel with a swimming pool because as I walked out I saw some people that I knew at the pool. A friend of mine from high school named Angela was with her baby playing in the water. I went up to say hi, and she had three sisters that were with her that I apparently also knew. We figured out that we knew each other from institute classes at SLCC. At that point Angela and I went to say hi to some other people we knew from high school. For some reason, she informed me that it was important that we pretend we were together, despite the fact that she was married. So, she grabbed my hand as we approached the people. We explained to them that we were having an affair. One of the people was her husband, who just happened to be my friend Brian from BYU-Hawaii. Brian was obviously very sad about this news. After awhile, Angela and Brian walked a few other people out of the room that we were in. When they got back to the room, Angela and I told Brian and my other friend Quinn the truth about our fake affair. I told them, “Do you really think I am capable of having an affair? After being abstinent for 29 years, do you think I would just go and sleep with a married woman?” We all laughed at this and then I woke up. I love it when I dream about people that I haven’t seen in over ten years.

Halle Berry and the Black Panther

Last night I had a stream of unentertaining dreams once again. I think this illness is throwing off my dream mojo. So rather than bore you all with the unexciting details of last nights dreams, I am going to share with you a dream that actually happened while I was in Hawaii over 5 years ago.

But a little background first. I went to school at BYU-Hawaii in Laie up on the North Shore. If any of you have had the great fortune to visit this beautiful place, you will then know, and sympathize, that there are very few establishments in or around Laie for eating (this was before they put the Taco Bell in the Foodland shopping center). There was a Subway, L&L’s and a McDonalds, and you got sick of all of those real fast. So, my friend Brandon and I would often get a craving for Taco Bell and the nearest one was about 40 minutes away in Kaneohe. So we hop into “Chief the Chicken Killer” (his Jeep Cherokee that had a hankering for squashing chickens on Kamehameha  Highway) and drove the beautiful drive to Taco Bell. Well, since it was late at night, we couldn’t eat inside, and Brandon was hungry enough that he didn’t want to wait till we got back to Laie, and eating Taco Bell while driving on a winding road with ocean on one side and mountain on the other wasn’t the safest of past-times, we would usually go find a place to park the car and devour our late night snacks.Well, we parked in front of the Blockbuster and there was a poster hanging in the window for the movie “Gothika” starring Halle Berry. I never saw the movie, but she looked real creepy on the poster.

Fast forward to that night, back in my cozy twin bed in Hale 2, I had the following dream: I was in a highrise apartment building, probably in New York. Seeing as how it was my dream, I was naturally the owner of the Penthouse suite. Gothika Halle was there as well and we went up to the roof for what I imagined would be a romantic dinner. On the roof however were all of my dogs. There were seriously about 70 dogs on the rooftop, and I owned all of them. Well, after playing with my dogs for a minute, Halle appears on the roof, followed by an angry black panther. I freak out a little bit thinking it’s going to try to attack me, but instead it goes after all of my dogs. With nowhere to run, every single one of my dogs jumped off of the high rise building. The camera view in my dream switches so that it is following the dogs in theie descent. I remember seeing a basset hound falling with it’s ears flapping in the wind. Then, the camera shot changes just in time for me to see all of the dogs hit the pavement and explode as if a watermelon had been thrown off the roof. All of the dogs died, except for a chihuahua who walked away unscathed.

Needless to say, I still have had no desire to see that movie. And I have since found out that Taco Bell right before bed does some strange things to the psyche. I’m surprised the chihuahua didn’t look right at me and say, “Yo quiero Taco Bell!”

Marilyn Horne

So, last night I wasn’t sleeping very well because of this stupid head cold. So finally, at about 5:30 a.m. I decided to just give myself a pass on the upcoming day and took tylenol PM and crashed on the couch. Needless to say there was not much dreaming going on. There was a really lame one involving my old job at the Olive Garden and verbalizing to the managers how stupid it was for them to let me walk away, but there was nothing interesting in that dream, so I’m going to relate a dream that I remember from 6 months ago involving a famous opera singer and my favorite Hollywood couple Brangelina!

I was taking voice lessons from Marilyn Horne, who is very well-known Soprano who has sung around the world. I was in her very dark office standing by the piano, and she of course loved my voice. But she kind of went psycho real quick. I don’t remember how they got there, but Brad and Angelina came to rescue and a battle ensued. Marilyn was getting the best of them for awhile and actually killed Brad with a shot to the head. This of course angered Angelina greatly and she somehow procured a chainsaw and decapitated Marilyn with it. I guess that leaves one less Soprano in the world.

I promise not all of my dreams are this violent and I have never had any intention of wanting Marilyn Horne decapitated. The real question is: Why is Brad such a big sissy in all my dreams, and Angelina is ALWAYS kicking trash!

Hello world!

Well, here it is folks! The long awaited dream blog of Matt Kuehnl! I had a doozy last night and the details just wouldn’t fit in my Facebook status, so I decided, today is as good as any to start blogging about the crazy dreams that I have. Thanks to Todd and the many others who have suggested writing these things down, and who knows, maybe I just may be contacted to write a movie script some day!

So, I will start with today’s entry and will update the blog, hopefully every day with either a new dream that just occurred, or on the days that I wake up and don’t remember my dream, I will document previous crazy and whacky dreams that I have remembered (with the help of my past facebook statuses). This will hopefully help in creating a crazy and wild ride for all of you have enjoyed hearing about my dreams on facebook. I will be able to go into much deeper detail here and then you will all get a semblance of just how crazy these dreams can get, since I had to edit them due to character limitations on facebook. So here goes!

For those of you who know me and have either read, or heard first hand about these psycho dreams that I have will know that I dream a lot about famous people, and for some reason, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie seem to be the most frequent offenders, and last night was no different.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were police officers and there was a terrorist group responsible for blowing up a building. There was a man that got away though and there was a police memo sent out with this man’s picture (it had a front and back view of his head) and it just so happened that I was walking right behind him. I recognized the back of his head from the photo I was holding. I stopped him and told him he looked a lot like the guy in the picture, and he started running. It just so happens he knew a bit of magic that allowed him to escape a few close calls. Not Dumbledore -type magic; more like David Copperfield, but I continued chasing him into the parking garage. I kept yelling at people to stop him but no one would, and he was getting angry at me and vowed to seek revenge. He escaped me, Brad and Angelina. It was at this point that I realized I was their son. We all went to our apartment where we were living and when we pulled up and parked the car, we saw him walking away, indicating that he had found out where we lived, even though he did nothing at the time.

Somehow, I knew his retaliation would be against Brad. The next day I came home and turned the key to the apartment to find the guy inside. There was blood all over the apartment and there was half of a carcass of what looked like a deer and the he had filled the bathtub up with water. The guy (who was shorter than me and had freckles and red hair that he had in a spiked up do) didn’t want to kill me but was very angry that Brad was not in the house and he vowed to come back. He was wanting to kill Brad (my father) to retaliate against me and make me suffer. Luckily, Angelina (mom) had taken him to the Dr. because he was sick, otherwise, he would have died.

So, for the next few days I was keeping my eye out for the bad guy, but he wasn’t being very discrete. He was delivering newspapers to every apartment in the complex waiting for the right time to strike back at the family. There was a point where I discovered I had a sister, and she and I were alone in the apartment. He looked like he was going to come in and try to hurt her so I told her to hide, and he eventually went away.

The next day, I went outside and saw him get into a van before his paper route, so I went to ambush the van by myself. I discovered him in there with another person and I pulled him out and started beating him to death. I swung him around and beat him on the side of the van and eventually through him over the edge of a balcony and he splattered into tiny pieces. I saw what I had done and while I was thinking of a defense, the chunks of flesh started gathering themselves back together, so I rushed down to collect the biggest chunk I could find (which wasn’t very big… I had done some serious damage) and I put it in a ziplock baggie and hung it outside of my apartment using clothespins. My thinking was that if I could keep his body from fully regenerating, I could somehow defeat him. He then started magically flinging clothespins at me, but they didn’t really effect me. It was at this point that I remembered I was the son of Wolverine and couldn’t be killed, so I lost all inhibitions and in my blue and yellow suit I went after him. He started growing in size and trying to beat me up. He had me pinned by his feet, but it was at this point that I was able to use my claws and I started swiping at whatever was in the general area, which just happened to be his groin area, and before the fight was over, I woke up because I really had to go to the bathroom… Weird!!!!!

If anyone has any idea about what any of this might mean, please let me know. If anyone has the number to a good psychiatrist, that would also be handy. And, for those of you who will be asking, I did have a can of Nalley’s chili with some bread and butter right before going to bed, and I have been somewhat medicated because of a rather severe head cold. But I didn’t take any medicine within 8 hours of going to bed… so that can’t be a logical explanation… But, beware the chili!